Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Birthday Blog

Todays my birthday. This seems strange to me since I've never really been one for birthday parties or birthday presents or even birthday wishes for that matter, but I've always seen my birthday as a marker of change, its not so much my age that causes this change, its more of a marker of experience: as this new year of my life approaches how much have I learned about myself or the world for that matter.
This fall I began my first year at PNCA (Pacific Northwest College of Art), my first year living away from my parents, and my first year of really having to be my own. And while I'm reflecting on this I'll admit that I'm doing a pretty damn good job. It's surprising how its actually the little everyday things that I seem to have the most trouble with - not moving across the country, or missing my family/pets/friends, or not having my own room. I've always been good with change (probably something to do with moving away from California when I was 12) and in some cases I thrive in it, But I feel that there's a dark side to that too: possibly some unquenchable thirst thats inside me, causing me to constantly re-evaluate myself and strive for perfection... doesn't really sound like a bad thing when worded like that but still feel unsatisfied to some degree - even though I'm living where I want to live, going to college where I wanted to go to college, and pretty much doing what I want when I want to, I still want more... of what I don't know... I haven't stopped since I've moved to Portland, I'm constantly moving, there's just so much to do and definitely not enough time to do it all in. I'm a ball of energy, guzzling energy drinks (something I looked down upon in Iowa yet feel essential to my life here) working on homework, cleaning the kitchen, cleaning the living room, trying to work on my art, spending time with girls, girls girls (there's just so many! how am I to get anything done!) spending time in the city, observational drawings, homeroom posts, English papers to bull-shit, and did I mention energy drinks? AHHH!!! I hope my body can take it, I'm pretty sure my mind can but we'll see about that.
I know to some degree I should slow down a bit, but I know I can be doing more and have every intention on doing so.